remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
