i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
