May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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