Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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(916): View more from California

If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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(765): View more from Indiana

He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

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(973): View more from New Jersey

and then he started using my ass as a stressball

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(515): View more from Iowa

I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

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(619): View more from California

His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud

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