I will die if light touches me.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
