I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
