Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
