I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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