so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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