You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
