I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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