He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
