i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
