what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
