I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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