isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
