I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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