why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
