Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
