Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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