The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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