All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can tuck mytits in my pants
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
