So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
