i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
