Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
