if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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