its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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