I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didn't notice because vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i think i just lost a toe
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
