Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
