you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
