she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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