Just fell off a train. Bad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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