yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I deserve this hangover.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
