You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
