its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
