Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
