We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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