mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
