Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
