Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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