woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
