New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
