I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
