well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
