I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
