Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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