He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
