it's not cheating when I paid for it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
