at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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