you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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