Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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