He kissed a someone with a penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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