Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
