the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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