What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
