OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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